Submission – Martyn Rainbird

I had collected the projector equipment and slides from my parents and set about viewing them all. I was looking for images of myself. I mostly wanted ones of me on my own but some of the family group shots were possibilities. The slides I was going to pick from were from 1968 to 1971 when I was 3-6 years old. This meant that the timeframe would not overlap with the dates of the life events I wanted to document.

Whilst previewing the old family slide collection I started to trawl through my document archives looking for documents of the key life events eg. redundancy letter, divorce court letter, building society letter, police case form etc. Whilst looking I came across my driving test appointment card and some secondary school exercise books. These would form the first two images in the series to give it a gentle start before more serious events kicked in. Although the exams and the numerous driving tests I failed was quite stressful at the time. These documents ranged from 1979 to 2017 which would be the basis for the series order.

Back to the slides; there were numerous shots of me on the beach wearing the same yellow trunks but the standout was me wearing wet white Y-Fronts. This image was an ideal pick for my testicular cancer composition (X or Y? also a reference to chromosomes). I had a few choices for the negative equity image eg. slide, roundabout but I went for the boating lake as it gave that sinking feeling (M’aidez! French for help me!). It also offered a different colour palette. The police horse shot was the obvious pick for my burglary event (Break-in! referencing the burglary and the horse).

I tried cropping one of the slide photos but it became clear early on that I needed the complete original composition to be able to produce a consistent dark border. I was then left with a shortlist to match to an event.

It was at this point I decided to give titles to my compositions. This helped me pair an image to an event. So the blowing out birthday candles matched with being ejected from my first job (Ejection. from my job and of the candle flame). The photo of me being unimpressed with the arrival of my baby sister worked with divorce by giving the composition the ambiguous title of ‘Someone new’ (referencing a new relationship leading to divorce and also the arrival of a baby sister). The family on holiday at the dinner table was a nice image with myself and my brother smiling for the camera whilst my dad continued eating. Having given the ‘sick note’ event the title of ‘Help me to recover.‘ It felt right to include a group photo as I required support from others to get me through my health issues.

The two remaining selections were made from a photo of me on a tricycle outside my front door (See Me! school book overlay). I originally paired this with the driving test but I decided this image was stronger than the older me sitting on my Noddy bike. I wanted the set to start strongly which was provided by a nice composition and vibrant colour. It was also the image of the ‘youngest’ me which led nicely in to the second image of the older me on a bicycle. This was paired with the driving test (Pass/Fail?). It was the only decision that was made where the order was based on the image. All of the other pairings were fixed because of the date of the event.

The next part of the process was to take photos of the projected image which I took hand held with a high ISO which was ok for the feel I needed. My simple tripod would not have been practical as I needed to get my lens directly above the projector lens to get the image as straight on as I could. The effect I got and the subtle differences due to variations in angle added to the uniqueness of each image. The consistent aspect was the dark border I achieved from the darker edges of the projector screen.

The next stage was the creative and most time consuming part. I took photos of all of the documents and went through various crops in Lightroom. I then opened the childhood image in the photoshop editor and tried various options of document overlays.

My first set was of small cropped fragments of key words, dates and phrases. The date aspect was key to the whole assignment and felt that it needed to be prominent. Reflecting on this initial set I found it too direct which felt like I was telling the viewer what happened. I needed the series to communicate the build up of stress and anxiety and convey feelings.

I then decided to overlay a complete section of the document which in all cases allowed me to include the date and enough detail of the event. I continued to use the text fragment idea by enlarging it and making it the prominent point of the composition. For consistency I made the fragment full width with small variations in the opacity.

Due to the document overlay some of the final images were too washed out. I still wanted some of the vibrancy of the original shots to shine through. As a result I increased the vibrancy and contrast on some images in Lightroom and sent them back in to Photoshop ready for the document overlay. At this point I was quite happy with the results but still felt uncomfortable with the contrast and readability of the document text.

At this point I trialled the idea of projecting the childhood image directly on the document. This went ok but surprisingly the results were not as eye catching as I hoped and no better than photoshop layering.

I was concerned that the composite images were too flat I thought I would add texture by having a layer showing medication and prescription boxes. This meant that I had to lose the document layer. I liked this but felt it was not conveying my original intention of the assignement.

Having tried these additional ideas I went back to my whole document overlaid images as the trials highlighted that the document was an important component of the project. It was so important I upped the clarity to show off more text. I also used a hard light filter on some of the flatter text fragments which made the composition more striking.

At the same time I gave titles to my images I also wrote a shortlist of possible titles for the overall assignment. I settled for ‘Can you see me now?’, referencing a combination of: the objective of photographing the unseen; the partial visibility of childhood me in the frame; and lastly the unseen grown up me dealing with my mental health.

The following thumbnails show examples of all stages of my process.

My assignment is an investigation of the ‘unseen’ notion of being so overwhelmed by life events that you are no longer able to cope with everyday life. It is an exploration of the negative events in my life that have accumulated to the point where I was signed off sick and struggled with day to day life and work.

From my initial list of ideas [1] I developed the idea [2] of how life has led me to this point and how my mental health has been impacted by some of my life experiences. Everybody reacts differently to events in their life and the timing of those events have an impact on how we cope.

I have encapsulated these moments of my life in a series of 8 composite images. All of the images are a photograph within a photograph. It brings together 3 moments in time. 1) The time of the family photograph. 2) The time of the event in my life. 3) The time of producing the composite image.

The passing of time and the nostalgia aspect of the submission can be seen by the use of archive colour slides representing the analogue age and combining that with the use of a DSLR and digital editing tools. This gives the set a feel of delving in to the past, collecting all the negative events together and organising them in to 8 visual frames to support the question… ‘Can you see me now?’.

I photographed a projected slide photo, of myself, which I selected from my parents collection. I then overlaid this with a photograph of a document recording an event in my life. I have placed a final overlay of an enlarged text fragment across the full width of the frame.

I am between the age of 3 and 6 in these images and it shows my life in simpler and untroubled times (c.1968 – 1971). These aren’t presented in any particular age order as the primary decision was to match them with an aspect of the event.

The second layer is the ‘event’. It is a document that places the event to a specific date in the past. The events are in date order and provide the movement of time and convey the build-up of negativity in my life. I have adjusted the opacity to allow just enough of the text to be legible but also to show the materiality of the document.

The third layer is an enlarged fragment of the document that catches the eye and draws the viewer in to the text and the background scene. I have edited the fragment to highlight the texture of the document so the final image is not too flat.

As part of the presentation for submission I have printed on A4 semi gloss paper and produced a sleeve to represent a medical file. My contact sheets [8] show the development and shots taken throughout the project and my decision making process for the compositions and titles.

During development of the idea I researched photographers [3] who used mental health as their subject. I also looked for practitioners using document fragments. The following artists provided me with inspiration and an understanding of appropriation [4]. My final product contains a combination of their features and techniques that results in something personal to me.

Jennifer Pattisons series Edward [5] used objects to convey what it was like growing up with someone with mental health problems.
Mari Mahr’s (b. 1941) A Few Days In Geneva [6] uses layers and document fragments to create dreamlike childhood memories.
Barbara Kruger (b. 1945) [7] used found images and added text in white-on-red Futura Bold Oblique and Helvetica Ultra Condensed fonts.